The First Thanksgiving

By Kevin Kennedy, Business Manager

For details on this “Mad Lib” edition of Ask the Staff, read our earlier post.

“The first Thanksgiving was actually a PAIR OF LEFT HANDED SCISSORS of the first USED KLEENEX by the ESKIMOS and their ABORIGINAL friends in 1621. The ESKIMOS had come to AZERBAIJAN in December of 1620 and had suffered a difficult year. In the fall of 1621, the GOAT’S HEAD SOUP crop was ready to HUNT and the ESKIMOS were preparing for winter. The ABORIGINALS who lived nearby were ABSURD and eager to help the ESKIMOS. After the USED KLEENEX the leader of the ESKIMOS decided a PAIR OF LEFT HANDED SCISSORS would help boost the morale of the 37 colonists remaining and invited the ABORIGINAL chief and 82 of his people to join them. The PAIR OF LEFT HANDED SCISSORS lasted three days and included wild OCELOT and other fowl, venison, GOAT’S HEAD SOUP, nuts and berries. Thanksgiving was not regularly a PAIR OF LEFT HANDED SCISSORS until 1863 when Abraham Lincoln issued a national proclamation.”